Oi Mates!

Wanna go to New Zealand? Of course you do! Are you going to New Zealand? Probably not! That's why I present to you: The Totally Unexpected For Most People Not Useful But Yet Maybe Entertaining And Quite Obvious Top Ten Things To Bring When In New Zealand.

10. A bottle of water; Seems obvious, eh? No it ain't! For example: You take the plane, arrive in New Zealand. You haven't had a drink for days and you are dying for some nice fresh water. You make yourself to the nearest water deposit, take a sip and realize: Gross! Chlorine... Not even a little bit. It taste like drinking from a dutch swimming pool, disgusting! Buy your bottles of water! Way better.

9. A book; Yeah you didn't expect that did you? I don't like reading, especially not fiction. But when you find yourself in some weird place waiting for a bus to arrive and dying for something to do, you better have something to read. Ah hell! Anything will do! Even nutrition information on your bottle of water (see above) can be interesting. But ain't that a bit boring. After reading that for 129 times you might linger for something else... and that's why you bring a book.

8. A flashlight; You would't say it, but there is a day and night routine in New Zealand as well. It gets dark here a lot and when you are waiting on your long waiting bus and trying to read your book, it might be nice that there is actually light to be able to read. Also finding a toilet in a place you don't know the way in the middle of the night is not easy. Really it isn't. Trust me.

7. A camera; Woooh you don't say. Yes I do say so! Bring a god damn camera and bring a good one. There is more beauty in this country then there is stars in the universe. So take those pictures! But them on your facebook, whatsapp, instagram, snapchat or even put them on your pathetic traveling blog. This way all your "friends" can be jealous of you while you are alone in the wilderness and crying for help! Have fun!

6. A sweater; No not a fleece jack. A sweater! Way more comfy, easier to bring and usually more fashionable for all you numbnuts who are worrying about getting laid. No really if you want to get laid just stay at home and go to a party. Alcohol is way cheaper there, so most people get drunk quicker, which makes it easier for all those people worrying about their appearance to find the love they need, to immediately discard it the next morning! So buy a sweater!

5. Good flipflops; No no no, not those slippery swimming pool flipflops. You want strong flipflops! Manly flipflops! With a good grip. You will find yourself walking a lot. You will find yourself with a lot of blisters if you walk around in the same boots all day. And that's why you bring flipflops! Give your feet a day off! Please just do it.

4. A music box; you are waiting for the bus. It is late at night and you try get out your flashlight to read your book. Two problems: your flashlight is out of battery and you've already completed your book. Also you are with friends and being the social person you are, you want to create a good vibe. So what you do? You bring a music box! Slam on some music and start singing like it is your last night to sing (or don't whatever). But for real! Bring a god damn music box! It'll make your waiting experience a lot better! Because you will wait, a lot.

3. Peanut butter/Nutella; Ah there we are, the top three. You find yourself waking up, your stomach is screaming for food, however you don't have anything to eat. So as most people do, you go get some. You buy a loaf of bread and some nice cheese, eat half of it and figure it will be good for the next day. News flash! It won't. You don't have a fridge sillywilly. Should have brought Nutella/peanut butter. It's delicious, nutritious and will stay good forever (or for how long it takes you to eat it). Also it's good damn cheap and money is finite. So buy that spread! It's good! Trust me.

2. Sun protection; you leave your home country. Your mom will be like: Oooh good golly gosh it's sunny there, better take some sunscreen with you. You bring your beloved moms sunscreen and apply it. All good you might say? Well enjoy your Zoidberg (Zoidberg is a human-like lobster from Futurama(it's a show)) transformation for next week because New Zealand is poor if it comes down to Ozone. No really they spent it all. It's gone. No UV-protection. Your silly sunscreen has no power here, so you better buy some new stuff.

1. A POCKET KNIFE!; not just a pocket knife: A SWISS POCKET KNIFE! first of all: the Swiss; lovely people; love 'em! They are the best! The greatest (Trump quote).

On to the knife: for some reason you find yourself in the middle of a regional park on Waiheke Island where you are hiking and you get awfully lost. You are starving, but fortunatly you have brought your loaf of bread, you peanut butter and you 5 L jar of nutella. But wait, you need to get the heavenly spread on you bread, don't you? BOOM! POCKET KNIFE! get out your knife and spread that spread!

You find yourself reading a map, but for some god damn reason the travel companies put adverts all over your precious map. BOOM! POCKET KNIFE! get out those small scissor and but those ads out!

You find yourself without money at a jeweler. Your credit cards don't work because you are more bankrupt that ever. However you really want that diamond ring. BOOM! POCKET KNIFE! Go out and apply for a job! People with pocket knifes have a 294% higher change to get a job than people without!

That's it. No more. See ya later!